Sunday, 19 February 2017
Just Take The Damn Compliment
Hey, how's it going?
What has everybody been up to?
Last week I flew from Tasmania to Adelaide to help my brother and his wife move back here. I had one day of really nice weather. Like I'm talking about a 35 degree day, then it immediately turned to 21 degrees and windy. Go figure. Like for real though, everywhere else in Australia is like a heatwave that won't end and here in Tassie it literally snowed on the mountains last weekend. Why don't we get a summer?
Winter is going to be long...
One thing I've always struggled with is accepting compliments. This is something that I've noticed a lot of other people seem to struggle with, especially girls.
It's strange and I don't know how it happened, because my parents have always been really encouraging, but I somehow got into the mindset where it felt arrogant to simply accept a compliment.
If someone complimented my hair, I would immediately feel slightly uncomfortable with the attention, then I would disagree with what they said. I would say something like, 'oh no, it's a mess today', then laugh awkwardly. Or I would try to divert the attention back onto someone else by saying something like 'your hair is way prettier'.
I could never just take the damn compliment. I always had to disagree, divert the attention or prove my inferiority by comparing myself to someone else.
Anyone else know what I'm talking about?
Unfortunately, I think a lot of you do.
Here's what I've learnt and what I constantly have to remind myself.
When someone takes the time to compliment you they're saying, 'hey I've noticed you and I see something so special in you that I need to tell you.'
They're not asking for anything in return (maybe they are but screw em' if they're that self interested), they just want you to know that you're beautiful, talented or appreciated. They want you to know you're loved.
No matter how shitty I am feeling about myself, that doesn't change what someone else might see in me.
They might not notice the thin layer or dry shampoo thats stopping the grease from showing in my hair. Or the pimple on my chin and the tiny stain on my shirt.
But they might notice the colour of my eyes or my outfit as a whole.
Everyone has a unique perspective, so when someone compliments you, take it. Accept their positivity and allow that positivity to brighten your own perspective.
I've learnt to say thank you as a reflex because I've realised that denying compliments is a sign of insecurity and only increases those insecurities. Accepting compliments actually helps build my self esteem and accepting them out of reflex is really useful because it overrides my instinct to deny the compliment. So I encourage you to practice that. Learn to say thank you and tell you're insecurities to shut the hell up.
The final thing I've learnt is to give compliments. If you see something about another person that grabs your attention, tell them. Tell your friend that her new shoes are cute, or that her makeup looks extra good to day. Tell your mum that that colour looks really nice on her.
I've found that giving compliments without any expectation of reciprocation, makes you more open to the idea that someone else might do the same to you. It also makes you notice the way others deny appreciation. I think it was watching others reject compliments and wondering why they wouldn't just take the damn compliment, that made me realise I was the same. That it was something that wasn't an attractive quality to have or healthy for my self-esteem.
So please, just take the damn compliment. Accept that someone loves and cares about you and let their words build you up. Don't let yourself make you feel even shittier. Let others brighten your day and let yourself see through their eyes.
If you have any thoughts you would like to add, please let me know in the comments. Like seriously, blogging to a quiet audience is boring as hell. Make some noise for me please. Thank you!